[Vent] Feelings

**WROTE THIS SEP 10 '24**

I’ve had some thoughts over the past few days and I just feel the need to write them down. College started last week and I’ve just felt so out of place, like I shouldn’t be there at all. That’s been a gut feeling for months now, that I shouldn’t go to college. The only reason I kept ignoring it was because everyone else kept pressuring me to go to college. When picking college I didn’t even get to pick the college I wanted to go to. My first choice was hvcc, but my parents refused to let me have a choice and forced me to go with acc. I didn’t get any freedom in my choice for college at all. My parents would’ve had to drive me to any of the colleges because I don’t have a license. If you can’t tell, my parents (especially my mom) don’t want to let go and let me spread my wings. They’re so afraid I’ll make a mistake(which THATS GOING TO HAPPEN IT’S NORMAL) that they wedge themselves in every crease possible to force themselves into all my affairs. They are technically allowed to do this because I’m not 18 (yet), but I know they won’t stop until I move out. I’ve wanted to move to the Albany-Schenectady-Troy area, but I once brought that up,to my mom she loudly protested (she hates the cities, but rent is half the price there than in Saratoga where it’s $2650). I’ve been trying to enjoy myself at college, but I just can’t seem to do it. I feel so out of place. I feel like I’m not supposed to be there at all. I’ve had that feeling every time I’ve been at the campus, like I shouldn’t be there. I also had to quit my job to go to college and I’m very quickly regretting that. I like working, and I gave that up to do something I’ve always hated, school. I’ve never liked school, and that’s another reason why I haven’t liked going to college, it’s just not for me, but I feel it’s too late now. I feel I can’t change it now, my parents will massively disapprove if I drop out, but I did say to my overprotective mother I’d give it a chance, but I don’t think it’s gonna go well.

Kindly written by,

gamerisboring